wednesday.

this blog is very specific, but shall remain anonymous
actually i shouldn't even write about it, so i'm just going
to explain my feelings.

a friend of mine told me a lot of things about himself today.
i can honestly say that i adore him. he's always well almost
always there for me to talk to. we talk about everything
but he was hiding something for so long, that i never knew
and i now that i know, i'm not even sure what to feel.

its almost like a slap in the face, him keeping this from me
like he couldn't tell me. i understand why he didn't. he
doesn't think he can trust me, but he let me in today and
that feels really good. so i would like to write this to him,

Hey you,
Thank you for trusting me.
Thank you for opening up to me.
I'm upset that you kept this from me,
but its not my life its yours, so I understand.
I wish maybe I would've known things,
so I could've helped you feel better
or tried to cheer you up, but I just have
to accept that you kept this to yourself.
We probably won't have any conversations
regarding this, I understand that too.
It makes me so utterly uncomfortable to even
ask you any questions pertaining to this.
I'm hurting because I guess I thought more
of our friendship. But now that I know the
things you're going through, no wonder you
have been more distant. I won't judge you,
I still care for you, I'm still here for you, it
just might take me some time. I guess you are
the person that I thought I knew, I just have to
convence myself of that. I'm sorry <3

trick or treat.

yay, today is halloween.
we brought treats to school today, lmao.
im gonna have to jack some little kids for their candies.
^_^

anyhoo,
i'm just having a good day.
i'm talking to my baby, i don't know what's gotten into him.
i asked if i could sleep in his bed, he told me i have to wait
until i go to the doctor, lmao. then offered me a sleeping bag.
smh.
he's lucky he's my baby.
^_^

still tueday.

im just in the mood to blog for some reason.
the only people that i have really been talking
to lately though, are ellie, marcus, J and daddy.
i'm not really interested in conversing with
anyone extra right now.
honestly, i don't even enjoy talking to people
anymore. all i can think about is, when is some
shit going to go down, how is this person going
to stab me in the back, when is this person going
to start treating me like shit, so on and so forth.

i guess i've finally started treating people how they
treat me. i used to be all "zomg hey how are you :X"
but now im just more , "whatup" oh okay. bye.

i must admit i like being short and sweet with the
conversation. maybe i might be meaner than i thought
i was lolll. im still convenced people think im a bitch
because i tell the truth, then i just say fuck it.
i can't worry about all the consequences that come
with me making a mistake. lots of this shit isn't even
in the slightest bit serious. i know when something
shouldn't be taken lightly. but if all i know is a font,
i'm not exposed to a personality, a character,
you're really just a bunch of arial and tahoma ass
niggas to me. so delete me, block me, ignore me,
hate me, you're wasting your time doing anything
regarding me. especially the massive amount of problems
these niggas have, lmao, i'm definetly not the most important
thing, not at all.
proceeds to next blog*
B

tuesday.

i don't even think people read my blog anymore lol,
but it makes me feel better after i write. =]

im sitting here hurting like holy hell.
i have an intense urinary tract infection
and i think something else.
stress on top of just not doing my body right is all adding up.
lord i hope its not something really serious.

tomorrow my mommy has a bone marrow biopsy.
she has multiple myeloma that's cancer of the bone marrow.
im almost certain that she's going to get some
bad test results. i've been stressing her out,
we're having trouble at home and just, shit is
getting really hard right now.

i haven't signed on crushspot in a while, nor do i plan
or signing on. i haven't really been on yahoo either.
i'm trying to stay out of trouble yo.
if you read my blogs, i do have
23823823234-0934-23423487234083
things going on , then all that bullshit drama scene
that is seeming to follow me everywhere.
its really funny though, how people can dish shit out
and act like they are a sweet little angel when the
ball gets in their court.

yes i do a lot of speaking before i think, but if you
really think about it, nothing is a secret really.
if yeen want someone to know, you wouldn't say
anything at all. that's some i said it, i shouldn't
have, but oh well fuck it, type of shit.
that's what i'm on.

i feel bad i opened my mouth?
hell no.
would i do it again?
prolly not.
but when you did the same thing to me, it was okay?
no.
ah, karma is a son of a total bitch.
i really do feel for her situation , but *shrugs shoulders*
its not my problem to deal with.
hope errethang works out well though.
payce.
B*

hoy es lunes.

yay, its monday.
:

yesterday was sunday, tomorrow is tuesday.
today, is a day from heck.
something inside of me , is causing me some terrible pain.
i don't know what it is, i don't know why its doing it,
but i'd be ever so pleased if it stopped.
it has me bent over,twisted, tearing up, and just BLAH.

anyways, i've been enjoying my time with daddy.
he's such a sweet man.
*blushes.

oh yeah, new yahoo.
i wish people would stop thinking they know me.

YOU DON'T KNOW NAN!
lmao.
b r a n d i.

o k l a h o m a !

*clears throat & sings:

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooklahoma,

where the wind comes sweeping down the plaaaaaaaaaains

and the waving wheat, it sure smells sweet, when the when

comes right behind the raaaaaaaaaaaain.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooklahoma,

every night my honeylem and iiiii, sit alone and talk, and watch

the hawk making lazy circles in the skyyyyyyy.

you know we belong to the land, and the land we belong is grand,

so when i saaaaaaaay oh yip i o e aaaaaa, i'm only saying you're

doing fine oklahoma, oklahoma L

O K L A H O M A! oklahoma's o-k.

pardon my rant please. but its almost oklahoma's birthday!

yay, hip hip hooray. oklahoma is gonna be 100 years old.

now excuse me , while i sip my drank. =]

hyper-emotional

you know today was the real icing on the reality cake. i am guilty of being over emotional i know that, you all know that, but i didn't really think about how it affects other people. so i was talking to ellie about a friend of mine, who i kind of noticed withdrawing from me. it was Lorenzo aka Rinsypoo. today he and i talked. ended a year long friendship. why you might ask. because my talking too much, blaiming everything on everyone else, bitching moaning & groaning finally overwhelmed him. friendship came to an end because of me dragging a situation into the ground. like i even ask myself , Brandi why the fuck are you still talking about that, so if i'm sick of talking about it, why the fuck would anyone else want to hear about it? i've already been embursed into my new self and he didn't even get to experience it. but like i told omari, i don't beg anyone to be my friend. i don't beg anyone for anything. if you want to get to know me , its a voluntary thing. i have no intentions to ever lose another friend because of me being too much- emotionally, bitching and moaning too much. that cuts deep. like me being who i don't want to be, being a burden on others. i've had enough. i can run through a list of people who i've affected with my emotions. damn shame. i'm going to let this marinate. rinsy, love you, but shit happens huh. i was talking to my baby, he said babygirl, it all boils down to shit happens and he's right. *this is completely off subject but i see myself loving him. he makes me forget about all the shit that happes, the shit thats going to happen and the shit that has happened. daddy is my breath of fresh air and i love the feeling that he gives me. from the top of my head to the bottom of my feets. and i have big ol feets, lmao. =] <3 so very much, brandi.

its monday.

today is monday.
i'm missing my baby.
i'm missing the people i use to be friends with.
i'm missing high school.
i miss when stuff was easy.
man, growing is a bitch.
i can take it though.

seems like i've lost more friends than i can count,
"friends" i'm doing so much better without.

i use the term friend too lightly.
why would i miss these backstabbing, wreckless talking niggas?
lol for what?
hm i can't think of a motherfucking thing.
she said i'm an emotional wrench.
nah, boo. i'm just past you being the bump in my road.
move around honeypie.

goodluck and good night.
brandizzle .

LMFAO.

i'm at my auntie's house,
lmfao, she playing this ancient ass music,
he calls this woman, he says,
your husband is my wife's boyfriend.
don't get mad honey, get even.

LMFAO.
only black people.
what the hell kinda ghetto shit.

made me smile though and yay Jai-Digga in my box.
i'm happy.

b r a n d i.

so,
i'm not emo anymore.
:)
lmao.
i'm sick of people commenting on my emotions.
so, i've decided, i'm just going to not have any
emotions, reactions, anything. its amazing, how
much easier the past few days have gone.

i like just being brandi and not giving an everlasting
damn about who has something to say, or what they're
saying. i haven't even been on the computer in like four
days. its ridiculous really how much i get on. hell, lots of
these niggas on here , and bitches alike, need to just take
some time to log off, find some friends with flesh, not
just a voice or font, and enjoy the day.

don't get me wrong, you can have a genuine connection
and feeling for someone that you only interact with via
the telefono y computadora but its just not the same.
i'm kinda sick of falling for a voice and font.

bold typing, size one acting niggas.
i wish that everyone else was growing up with me.
but i can't waste time worrying about the ppl who
still want recess. i've moved on to paid breaks,
LMFAO. i really don't have any sense, but i'm
having a good time and enjoying myself.
<3
that's what matters.

HEY GUESS WHAT!
I JUST REALIZED
BRANDI MATTERS.
aw , feels soo motherfcking good.
brandi brandi brandi brandi brandi.
*sips on drank.
hawlurrrrr.

internet.

this is the internet,
nothing is private.

its one thing that i read your blogs,
its another thing that you actually talk about me in them.

please i pray to the lord, direct your attention to the next motherfucker.
i'm sure i'm not the only person on the planet earth that did you dirty.
and if i am, just keep living.

i am so sick of you. so motherfucking sick of all of you.
if you really knew me, you wouldn't have a bad thing to say
at all. yeen even get close to me. you'd think i was your best
friend for seven years then stabbed you in your back or something.

cry a river and float across it, hell even drown in it.
i don't give a fuck.
today will be the last day i care.

brandi?

I have no idea why I've been letting people get the best of me.
There are so many things that I should be worrying about
and taking care of and I'm getting distracted by peoples'
opinions of me. People who don't even fucking know me.
People who I truly don't give a fuck about, are starting to get
to me. That's how I know, this is just going to far.
This is an intervention for myself.

I need to be secure with the facts. I know the facts about Brandi,
because I'm living the life. You niggas who think you know so
much about me are mistaken. I am so very flattered that you
are so occupied with your thoughts and assumptions about me.
You even mention me to people who don't even know me.
That is motherfucking pathetic.

If you hate me that much, or whatever your feelings about me are
move on to someone new, damn. Get off my chest, so I can breathe.
I have more things to worry about than when you're going to talk
about me again or when I'm not going to please someone, and
basically point blank, from this day forth, Monday, October 8th,
I can no longer waste my time with bullshit.

Bullshit being a general term for anything that just is not worth
my time. If you see a change in me, You're finally seeing the real me.
The Brandi that cares about Brandi more than anything else,
that doesn't give a fuck about Tom, Dick or Harry, still have
time to be sweet and caring, but only to those who reciprocate
that feeling. You don't fit into my new mentality or I've
"changed" too much for you?

ask me if i care.
eh, not even in the slightest bit.

domingo.

good morning.

its sunday morning.

Praise the Lord.

Hallelujah.

[mr.brown] THANK YA [/mr.brown]

*time to get ready for che'ch