thinking.

i'm just sitting here, thinking.
i miss my relationship. i love knowing that someone loves me, you know?
it's just a really good feeling. knowing that I make someone feel cared about
and that they care for me in return. pleasing someone by just being myself,
not worrying about if they are going to like me tomorrow... I miss the
pure security of knowing that loving him is enough. To me, love is enough to
cure anything. I love him more than I think I've loved anyone before. I
don't understand how my feelings for him are so pure and unaltered,
I wake up thinking about him, I go to sleep dreaming of him, I have him,
but I want him. He's a very big part of me. Truth be told he is my best friend.
Things haven't been going the way I want them to be going lately. I haven't
heard from him in two weeks. Two weeks without him is a long time, TWO DAYS
WITHOUT HIM IS A LONG TIME. I'm not sure what to do. The first few days,
I flooded him with calls and texts and things of that nature. The next days, I kinda
just tried to give him his space. I'm sitting here, alone, missing his voice and his
conversation. Craving his companionship, simply wanting recognition from him.
I love loving him. It gives me a sense of stability. Since we've been together,
even before we got together, I knew that he needs to be a part of my life,
I didn't expect for him to be such a huge part, but it is what it is. He's become a
part of my heart, and despite him not contacting me for these few days, my heart
doesn't comprehend that. My heart knows loving him, and how do I turn that function off?
I don't even want to have a day without loving him. Its what I do now. I know that may
sound all kinds of messed up, but that's just how I feel. I'm not sure what's going on in
his heart or mind. I'm not sure what he wants from me. Maybe he's trying to show me
that maybe we need a break or something. I wish he would tell me with his words, I
need words. I don't want to assume the end, if its still the beginning. I'm not ready for this to be over. Its not just a relationship, its a friendship too. How do I stop loving my best friend?
I just ... I don't know what to do but cry....